My desire
by Dresden-Neville
Summary: Remus sees Sirius and has a talk with him about what is bothering the lovable Padfoot. very low slash.


Harry Potter characters do not belong to me. This is based somewhat on a real situation I have witnessed. It is a situation that still has no closure. For you cannot choose the one's you love and the one's that hold your heart.

Sirius watched as Remus yet again helped Peter with his work for Potions. He tried to keep the sullen and depressed feelings inside as James walked over, Lily not too far behind him.

"Hey Padfoot, me and Lily are going down to the kitchens for a nighttime snack, want to come?"

Lily smiled at him and he winked back, pretending to be the same old flirty Sirius.

"That's a good offer but I wouldn't want to..er..interrupt anything Lily here might have planned!"

James smiled and Lily rolled her eyes. She tugged at James's arm and he waved and the two left the common room. Sirius looked out the window, letting his mask reveal how he really felt. For a very long time Sirius was plagued by thoughts and feelings that he couldn't explain or figure out.

He didn't know when the feelings started. Sirius just guessed that they appeared and hoped that they would go away but they were getting stronger. Sirius sighed quietly to himself. Why was love so confusing? A tap brought him back to reality.

"Padfoot? You alright?" Remus' voice was full of sincere worry.

Sirius smiled. "Yeah, just zoning. You know me, Moony!"

Remus sat down and shook his head. "If you're alright why are you crying?"

Sirius lifted his hand and touched his face with the tips of his finger. They were wet. Sirius looked down at his lap.

"I'm fine, Remus. Don't worry about me."

"Sirius you're not fine. Tell me what's wrong. I'm here for you Padfoot, and I always will no matter what."

Sirius looked up. "I'm here for you too, Moony."

Remus smiled a bit and pulled Sirius into a much-needed hug. Sirius relished at the contact and almost started crying when Remus broke apart.

"Alright," Sirius said, his voice barely above a whisper, "I am known to be bold so here it goes. I..like you Remus. Not just in the friend way either. I'm sorry, but it is how I feel."

Sirius could feel humiliation welling up in him and he looked up into Remus' face. Sirius felt his lip tremble.

"You can hate me all you want Remus, I won't blame you. Not one bit."

Remus let out a small breath.

"I can never and will never hate you Sirius, no matter what you do!" Remus said forcefully.

Sirius looked out the window again and Remus sat there and watched him. He had never seen Sirius so upset and depressed. But as he thought on all that went on this year he realized that what Sirius said had been going on for a long time.

This year had been one of love and romance as James had finally gotten his Lily and even Peter found a Hufflepuff girl. Yet Sirius always seemed content being alone, hanging around with Remus more now. He would play around with Remus acting like they were lovers, the little jokes never got old. They always had a good laugh about it.

Remus didn't think he could laugh about it now. Now he knew that everything Sirius has said and did this year was Sirius's true feelings.

"Sirius, I know how you feel."

"You can't possibly know how this feels," Sirius said his voice shaking.

Remus sighed. "I do Sirius because I have felt..that way too."

Sirius turned his reddened eyes toward Remus in surprise. Remus nodded slowly and bit his lower lip. Sirius blinked.

"Then..if that's true, why can't.."

Remus understood what Sirius was trying to ask and he shook his head cutting his best friend off.

"I'm sorry, Sirius. I know this isn't the appropriate time to tell you, but I have just recently found a girlfriend."

Sirius turned his head and when he looked back his eyes shined with tears.

"That's great Moony. I'm glad for you..really."

Remus half smiled. "Thank you Padfoot. Would you like me to stay?"

Sirius shook his head, standing up.

"No, I think I'll just head to bed. I'm pretty zonked out."

Remus watched him climb up the stairs and sighed. Then getting up he went to the couch and sat by, Amanda his girlfriend. She smiled at him and scooted closer.

Sirius paused on the stairs and turned around just in time to see Remus give Amanda that special smile he used to give Sirius all the time.

Tears fell like rain down Sirius' cheeks as he whispered to the walls, "I hope it works out for you, my Remus, my love."

THE END.


End file.
